Childhood years are filled with formative moments and influential relationship dynamics. In a perfect world, each child experiences an environment that nurtures development, provides security, and establishes a sense of safety. Basic needs that are met lay the groundwork for well-defined social skills and confidence building.
When that ideal scenario doesn’t come to fruition, as is the case with some children, it can create future problems. Neglectful or abusive caregivers can result in handed-down behavioral issues and cause attachment trauma.
What is Attachment Trauma?
Attachment trauma occurs when emotional and/or psychological factors cause unproductive attachment styles to form early in childhood years. Such influences can disrupt development, reduce quality of life, and affect the ability to establish healthy interpersonal relationships.
Attachment trauma results from things like abuse, neglect, significant loss, experiencing domestic violence, or familial dysfunction.
Signs of attachment trauma can manifest in a number of different ways. Here, we will discuss some of the more common signs.
Difficulty Regulating Emotions
As a child, you don’t have the capacity to regulate emotions naturally. You learn this skill from observation, role modeling, and lessons taught. When you grow up in a household that is unstable and doesn’t prioritize healthy emotional expression, it makes it especially hard to develop proper emotional regulation skills.
You may have received negative consequences when displaying emotions, so you learned to hide them. On the other hand, you may have learned to be overly emotional in order to be seen. This learned behavior can create unhealthy relationship habits.
Low Self-Esteem
If you didn’t have a supportive home environment and weren’t shown the affection you needed, it can lead to low self-esteem. You may have felt worthless or unlovable, which translates to hesitancies with intimacy or shared sentiments projected onto future partners.
As you get older, you may question your self-worth and feel like you’re not worthy of love, success, and happiness. In some instances, you may even blame yourself for matters that are beyond your control and aren’t your fault. This can lead to unhealthy relationship patterns where you can be easily manipulated or accept negative behaviors that you don’t deserve.
Fear of Rejection
When you’ve had to work for the approval of your caregivers, or you grew up in an environment where nothing ever felt safe and stable, you may develop some attachment anxiety. Attachment anxiety can present as a fear of rejection or fear of being abandoned.
Avoidance of Social Interactions
If you experienced a difficult childhood, it’s normal to want to avoid the behaviors that were damaging to you. If there is anything you can do to avoid having your vulnerability used against you, you’ll do it. Similarly, you may hesitate to create new friendships because of the fear of rejection or disappointment. Unfortunately, this avoidance can interfere with developing lasting and meaningful relationships.
Relationship Troubles
Attachment trauma can also lead to avoidance of intimacy with a partner, no matter how great the connection is. If you let yourself get close to someone, you may find yourself avoiding any type of conflict, which can cause harm.
Sometimes, your past comes to haunt your present. Patterns of behavior you’ve experienced can come out in your current relationship. You may continue to engage in unhealthy or toxic behaviors because of attachment trauma.
How to Heal
Healing from attachment trauma is possible but can be a complex process. While challenging, your efforts will be worth it in the long run.
Engaging in self-care is one way to promote well-being, learn to establish boundaries, and reframe negative thought processes. Meditation can help you center yourself and focus on the present moments.
Another avenue to explore is therapy. Finding a trauma-informed therapist can have many benefits, including assessing past matters, addressing any harmful behavior patterns, establishing healthy coping strategies, and improving well-being.
Interested in exploring therapy for attachment trauma? Contact us today.
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