Challenges are a natural part of life, whether in school, the workplace, among friends, or within a relationship. How we navigate those challenging situations shapes our experience and our future experiences.
Social norms value action and efficient problem-solving. While that may work in certain scenarios, the undervalued art of listening can be more beneficial.
Rather than diving head first into problem-solving, beginning with an active listener role may be more productive.
Why is the Tendency to Rush into Problem-Solving?
It’s human nature to shift into fixer mode when a problem arises. We’re hard-wired to react with a solution, our opinions, advice, or anything that’s deemed helpful. It typically comes from a caring and concerned place.
While the intention is good, it might not offer the best outcome. The situation or the person who is involved may have different needs. This is where active listening comes into play. It’s often underrated but can be more effective for a number of reasons.
The Importance of Active Listening
Active listening means being fully present and attentive to the other person. There are no distractions, no jumping in and taking over, and no interrupting their process. Through listening, you’re showing them you care and value their opinion.
This validates their feelings and solidifies the importance of their experience. When the other person is heard in a given situation, they will be more likely to open up and trust in you.
Additionally, by choosing to listen first, you’re encouraging the other person to process their thoughts and feelings. Allowing them the space and time to do so gives them a better chance of working through a solution on their own. Reaching a point of independent problem-solving is more empowering than simply taking a solution from someone else, especially if it isn’t the best option.
Achieving Effective Listening
As previously mentioned, we’re hard-wired to want to jump right in. It takes some practice to silence that inner voice telling you you need a solution right now. Remind yourself that you don’t need to say anything and that listening is helpful. Just because someone comes to you with a problem doesn’t always mean they’re asking for advice.
Ask questions based on what you know. Open-ended questions encourage more dialogue and can expand the information each of you have.
Showing empathy for the other person is an important piece to validating their feelings and demonstrating you’ve heard what has been said. Acknowledge that the situation may be difficult and emphasize that the feelings they have are okay, if not completely normal.
Supporting Active Listening
Patience is going to be your friend in these situations. You’re likely to feel that nudging urge to problem-solve. There’s a time for that but after the listening component.
When other people talk, there’s another natural habit of formulating our next thought in response before they even finish speaking. You’ll want to focus on listening to what is being said and spend a moment reflecting on that. It’s okay to summarize their thoughts back to them in your response. It shows you were paying attention.
It’s important to reflect on your habits and observe how well you listen. Checking in with yourself creates opportunities for change and growth. Active listening is a skill, after all.
The Trickle Down Effect
As you master this habit, you may notice that conflict resolution becomes much easier and more productive than you’ve previously experienced. Listening leads to reduced misunderstandings.
Learning how to listen more can enhance your emotional intelligence and better shape how you interact with those close to you.
If you’re interested in improving your overall communication skills, contact us to schedule an appointment. Or, check out our couples therapy page for more information.